Gnome
Gnomes are happy creatures that run around the back alleys of gas stations handing out pamphlets for the lastest gnome merchandise. But not all gnomes are like this. Gnomes are generally good natured, and loving things. But there are different breeds on gnome. Some of them are pure evil. These are a few breeds of gnome. The Classic Lawn Gnome, a Symbol of Power The infamous lawn gnome is the greatest symbol of power that we have for the common man to display. Nothing means back off like a lawn gnome displaying an axe in the front yard. The mystique of the gnome goes back to ancient times, but it is still popular yard decor for the most powerful people of the world. From the boots, to the cool little hat and beard, this popular statue is an example of how even little bearded men can be beautiful. Many people believe the Classic Lawn Gnome to be nothing more than a lame little lawn ornament. Those people are wrong. Gnome's commonly are thought to have a dynamic aspect to them. THough they are regularly considered to be inanimate objects, when pictures are taken over time, you will see that they are constantly changing. Small things, such as the angle which their head is perched, and how open their eyes are, all depend on many different factors. These include, but are not limited to, the weather, fairy activity in the area, and the presence of female gnomes. When Mr. T. was asked about his own lawn gnomes, he said "I pity the fool that messes with the lawn gnomes. They got laser beams." I rest my case. Lawn gnomes are the epitome of power, mystery, and romance. They are mostly considered to be fictional fairy cratures, but those who make this foolish assumption could quite possibly become, a walking time bomb. Races Of Gnome The Garden Gnome Perhaps the most well known of the gnomes. This perverted little creature will live in your back yard for weeks at a time. They also appear to have some kind of vegetable fetish. Hiding in gardens all day seems to arouse them. Another sinister feature of the gnome, is their happy, smiling faces. Masking their true diabolical nature. They are extremely sneaky, so use extreme precaution the next time you wander around your back yard with armor on. ]] The Shameless Gnome A gnome that is inclined to indecent exposure. It will sneak into big gatherings such as weddings, and hippie circles, and moon everyone. In the past this has led to severe heart attacks, and drop kicking of gnomes. The Underpants Gnome A gnome that was always seen as a myth. But was discovered by the TV show South Park that they are in fact real. Science as we knew it was rewritten. All religions and beliefs were thrown off balance for 4 days while the world tried to get on with their lives. But one man couldn't get on with his life. That man was Stephen Colbert. He had suffered to much at the hand of these devious gnomes. So he took it upon himself to deport all underpants gnomes to Zimbabwe. Where they would work the coal mines for the rest of their under garment loving lives.